your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I party with great urgency now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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