my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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