i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
