Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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