xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize