Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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