i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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