Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
