My hair reeks of homosexuality.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
