Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
