fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize