He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
