it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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