He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
