maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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