why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
