Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
