A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude i'm inner monologue high
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
