I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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