i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
