Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
