I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize