I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
