At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
