so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
