I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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