I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
