I have demons in me.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
