I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dignity is for republicans.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
