Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
