Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
