operation harelip BJ is a go
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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