He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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