I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
