i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
