I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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