My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
