Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
