i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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