Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
