By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize