happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
