im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize