I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
