spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
