Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
