So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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