Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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