After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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