Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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