I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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