just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
