then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
