Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
