I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
