ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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