Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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