Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
my liver is dry heaving
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
