He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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