peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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