he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
