I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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