On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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