very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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