I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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