I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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