He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
