Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
