I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
