The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
