the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
