Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
