I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
