Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
