My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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