So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
