That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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