I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Send help, water and tortillas.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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