He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
