The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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