ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did I show you my penis last night?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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