At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
