i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
