I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
