hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize