Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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