Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just had sex bonerless
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
