It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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