I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
