Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
