I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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