I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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