Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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