How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
