When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
