Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
