I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
God I need to hump something, right now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
