It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need to stop coming to work sober
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
